blackandscene

last night was crazy for me.

it became apparent to me that my entire emotional support system that is called my "Family" has deteriorated to a point to where i can no longer function.. last night i realized that i have lost my mother utterly and entirely. like guys i'm serious.. i'm 20 years old almost now. but i cried my eyes out last night thinking about not having my mother behind me to supoort me in whatever i'm doing. like i know in the past i have put my best foot forward to making my life a success even in my eyes. but now that i have this certain determination in my life to make something of myself. i realize that i have only the ones deartes to me to support me.. and this is for those of you who KNOW who you are.

I LOVE YOU SOOOO FUCKING MUCH. you're the best i could ever ask for and now is the time when i need you the most. i have nothing and no one else but you. and despite everything i've gone through, and all the tears i've cried...


i wouldn't have it any other way.

for those of you who've dropped out of my life and/or don't seem to make it any kind of priority of yours to spend time with me or call every once in a while while to tell me you love me... no hard feelings. it's just i no longer have time to mess around with aquaintences. i've had a shitload of time to have you around. but now i need people who will give as much back to me.

but if you want me around as much as i'd love you to be there... tell me. don't bother to leave a fucking message on this internet mastrubation. like seriously. call me at my house and tell me you want me around.


[For You] yes this really is for you. i know you're thinking: "no this couldn't possibly mean me..." but yeah. it does. and i really hope you call. if nothing else. though i STILL pray for this i need you right now.

now i sleep for tomorrow. i make some pretty hard changes.

i love you chris.
i love you justin.
i love you pam.
i love you erin.
i love you who matter.

i have a headache...
ech.
old FSF is good.
Bad Boys II is good.
"and if you want me bad...
you're gonna have to ask..."
the used can be good sometimes.
single moments of silence and peace are amazing.

IT'S FUCKING MONDAY NIGHT!!!

the DFC rides again tonight. if you're intrested in spending some time with three of the coolest and most loved individuals on the planet. leave a message. you might be able to join us for a rip roarin' time in Athens. if you can't make it, but would like to recieve a drunken message from rosser or his cohorts. leave your number and we'll hit you up when we're good and miserable.

[for you] i miss you. i dream of you every other night for some strange unexplainable reason. but no matter where i am or what happens... i will always remember.


now let the formatting of my brain begin.

--john

[EDITED]

kay guys.. i love your concern like whoa. but i don't really want to die. i just wanna forget today. i'm usually with my soulmates tonight. but i love you guys

---

i'm not at D&B with my most precious DFC..

i want to die.

i want to die.

i want to die.

i want to die.

i miss you so much

dude that is the LAST fucking time i listen to you bro.

when one of your best friends is a hopeless fucking romantic... you shouldn't take his advice on something you probably shouldn't do. i love you though man. honesty IS the best policy. and i don't know what i'd do without you. DFC4L

it's okay. it's okay. it's okay. i never expected to actually to bring any of that to light. but then again i couldn't just sit idly by and hate myself for not saying anything. YOU do what you need to do. just be easy for your boy. TQM.

my friends, now is the time take command, take charge, and take hold. life is only what you make of it. but in the meantime there are no more poetic words other than...

FUCK!
FUCK!
HAPPY FUCKIN' HALLOWEEN!

be at our show at Kim's.

Kim=770-614-7379
Rosser=SIIIKE!
85 north to Buford (Mall of Georgia) exit. Get on Hwy 20 and go past Mall of Georgia. Turn Right on South Bogan Rd. Turn right on Thompson Mill Rd. Go straight through the 4 way stop and the house is approx. 8/10ths of a mile on right. # 3616.


be there and love me.

i love the way you love...
but i hate the way i'm supposed to love you back.

[rant]going to sleep made it worse. it hasn't been this way in such a long time. but then again. utter changes of heart do not occur often. maybe it's from all the memories that i dig a new hole for each night... but i never end up burying them. just clutching on to them for dear life. hoping. praying. pleading... hoping. praying. pleading... why is it so hard to change. why the fuck is it so hard to change life.[/rant]

things i want need:

*a kiss that means something.

*a smile that doesn't fade when my back is turned.

*a touch that feels more like need, instead of desire.

*something in the semblence of forever...



FUCK, I SAY

you can only shit on people who would do ANYTHING for you for so long...

before all hope is lost.
before you have no choice, but cut your losses.

i'll hope for the best.
but won't hold my fucking breath.

i wish we could be normal.
i wish we were WE again.
just not all the shit.
just the best parts.

FUCK

1. what is the middle name of the first person
you ever slept with?

that totally doesn't apply!

2. WHAT kind of underwear ARE YOU WEARING
and what color?

pink polka dots

3. What is the song you want played at your
Funeral?

beastie boys- sabotage

4. what is the phone number of your sluttiest
friend so some of the single people can get some
action?

404.644.5738

5. WHAT Would Your Last Meal be before getting
executed?

my momma's mashed potatoes and cabbage.

6. Beatles or Stones?

i would have to say beatles.. but stones rock the fucking earth.

7. if you had to pick one person on earth who
should die, who would it be?

ben elliot.

8. LAST PERSON YOU want to hear their problems?

Geoff Parmet. that bitch has everything. iloveyou.

9. what is the thing most important to you (as
far as physical) about the opposite sex?

mouth. totally.

10. DO YOU secretely hate some of your
friendsters but are too nice to reject them?

without question.

11. if you could have any super power what would
it be?

invincibility

12. FAVORITE hangover cure?

bread and sleep.

13. how many drinks does it take to get you
drunk?

trying to quit.

14. FAVORITE Outkast Lyric?

don't pull tha thang out, unless you plan to bang...
ain't nobody dope as me... i'm just fresh so clean.

15. HAIR COLOR you most like someone your dating
to have?

dark and fashionable.

16. if you had to be blind or deaf?

blind

17. DO YOU have any psychiatric problems?

seperation anxiety, maybe?

18. SIBLINGS that should go to rehab?

just the oldest one.

19. least FAVORITE MONTH?

september.

20. FAVORITE hateful thing to do to someone?

that's a lil' too much drama for the DFC...

21. first movie you can remember seeing as a
kid?

Star Wars: Return of the fuckin' Jedi!

22. FAVORITE person in the whole world?

mah DFC niggaz. and sometimes stef. :-)

23. when's the last time you went on a date?

hahaha. i don't know if you'd call it that. it got fucked.

24. DO YOU LIKE violent movies or dirty movies?

yes ma'am.

25. FALL OR SPRING?

Autumn.

26. person you most wish you hadn't made out
with?

do i really have to say.... hmmmmmm. NOPE!

28. if you are straight, what person of the
same sex would you do it with? if you are gay,
pick someone of the opposite sex.

Wade Fucking Robson. that dood is pretty.

29. where do you want to live when you are old
and brittle?

florida?

30. WHO is the person you can count on most?

Tyler Friel.

31. if you could date any celebrity past or
present, time and age are not factors?

Catherine Zeta Jones... uggh. (will someone see intolerable cruelty with me?!)

32. WHAT BOOKS have you pretended you've read?

a wrinkle in time.

33. WHAT'S a word you would use to describe your
life?

black.

34. FAVORITE drinking GAME?

Maple Syrup... i am all that is man.

35. WHAT DID YOU DREAM LAST NIGHT?

that someone shave my head in my sleep. i swear.

36. FAVORITE vices?

hot girls.

37. what is the last thing you'd ever tell
someone?

that i love them and not mean it.

today was the HotTopic day...

it was alright. it's work and monies. that's all i need besides a guitar and a girl to be totally and absolutely in love with. but considering how there are NO decent ladies on the fucking planet, i've decided i'll wait until they have changes heart.

tonight i chill HenzBot, Erin, and maybe soneone else. meh.

if you are DRAMAFREE. you are allowed to come. just hit me up at mah house.

i'm done.

jonrosser

so yeah... i have sold my soul to satan himself. i am an official employee of the Hottest of Topics.

but i swear to God...

if one of you fuckers so much as whisper the words JohnTopic... i'll fucking hunt you down. gut you. cook you. eat you. throw you up. and pour you on some asians fucking car.

however... HotRosser is acceptable. hahaha.

so yes. thoughts on last night. you can be as hot as you want... (and you do that well) but liars go to HELL!

ugh. what a fucking let-down. but hey. i've got my boyz (& erin). who have been so much fucking fun these past couple of weeks... i hope the party keeps on keepin' on.

so yeah. i'm off.

someone come be my crush.

jonrosser

tonight is gonna be off the rim! if you haven't heard from me today about the movies... here's the skinny!

:MALL OF GA REGAL CINEMAS:
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSCRE
10:15pm
bring your friends.
bring a fucking bag.
fuckin' chainsaaaaaaaaaws!




[firsts]
First best friend: evan whatley
First real memory of something: my momma
First date: maria walker
First real kiss: MARIA WALKER
First job: cajun resturaunt
First screen name: oh god... um. mono-echo?
First self purchased album: radiohead- OK Computer
First funeral: not my bag.
First pets: my dogs- tiger & susie
First piercing/tattoo: the lobes
First credit card: death to debt.
First true love: ms. stefany (nomiddlename) mendoza
First enemy: some redneck kid in fight school.
First big trip: Mexico 1997!
First play/musical/performance: 3rd Grade Solo.. 'Silent Night'
First musician you remember hearing: Jesus Lovin' Amy Grant.


[lasts]
last ciggerette: a few days ago.
Last big car ride: a couple months back. El Paso, TX.
Last kiss: about a month and a half ago.
Last good cry: the day after about a month and a half ago.
Last library book checked out: chuck palaniuk- fight club
Last movie seen: Original MASSACRE
Last beverage drank: HI-C juice box
Last food consumed: Rosser's Turkey Sammiches.
Last crush: reina.
Last phone call: hensley
Last tv show watched: Reno 911
Last shoes worn: Dark Blue Saucony Jazz
Last song played: ATDI- the one that says "i seem to forget the warmth of the sun"
Last item bought: fruit puch gatorade @thePORTAL.
Last annoyance: "wha-fuckyou!"
Last disappointment: that i couldn't get online last night to ask her something.
Last soda drank: sprizzite.
Last ice cream eaten: double chocolate chunk
Last time wanting to die: the LAST time.
last time scolded: when was the last time i wasn't?!
last shirt worn: unearth 'endless'
last website visited: www.livejournal.com... (if you haven't heard of it... you should check it out.

ROSSER'S MOM HAS AN AIM S/N!!!
talk to her. she's lonely.

AIM: RossersMom

anyways.

ugh. i'm beat.

i practiced all day today. both bands. whoo shawty.

i'm having the time of my life. i'm so glad to not be stressing out over insignifigant little things that happen in life. i'm hoping that this all lasts. all signs say yes.

yesterday i ran into reina for the first time since 2001. wow. just fucking wow. i can't believe she even talked to me when she saw me. she always ignored me in high school, which is fine, since i was already dating someone, but sometimes don't you wish that they would at least pay attention? anyways. we talked for an hour and then exchanged numbers. so hopefully... things might be looking up for the rosser...

since none of you other ladies saw fit to snatch up the rosser while the snatching was good.

::blows raspberry::


i'm going to bed.